The last couple days have been really hard. I don't know if it's just the rainy weather, but I've been feeling extremely depressed. I've been searching for jobs daily this week but have found it difficult to motivate myself to actually work on the applications. It feels pointless. I've submitted a number of applications already and have only really heard back from one, and they pretty much said "thanks but no thanks".
I have this voice in my head that just keeps saying "what's the point? No one's going to even call you anyway." What's scary is that I'm starting to believe that voice; I'm starting to think it's right...no one is going to call me or email me or hire me. I'm just going to be that worthless idiot that foolishly quit her job and moved to a completely different city for a boy. I'm such a moron.
Everyday I wait for a phone call or an email from someone willing to give me a chance. But it never comes. I feel so alone. I feel like a failure and a disappointment. Mostly though I feel like a fool...a food for thinking there was something special about me. That I would be able to overcome the challenges and find a good job that I enjoyed. It was all a big fat lie I told my self, inflating my ego and arrogance. I thought I could do it....but clearly I can't.
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