I don't think Chris is ever going to ask me to marry him, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.
Anytime the subject of marriage comes up, I feel like he tries to avoid it. Like when we were at Trevor and Ashley's wedding, I was explaining the whole throwing the bouquet tradition and how the girl that caught the bouquet is supposed to be the next one to be married - he immediately pushed my arms to my sides and held them there. I know he was probably joking a little bit, but I think he really wants to avoid the topic of marriage at all costs.
I can't imagine marrying anyone else...he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I can't figure out if his aversion to marriage is something temporary or permanent. Sometimes I wonder if he's as sure as I am about our relationship and future together. I mean I don't think he wants to end our relationship and I'm confident he loves me, it just seems like he's very, very hesitant to make that level of commitment and he hasn't really given any hint at when he will be.
I think I'm ready, or at least very near ready to get married. Many of our peers are getting married and engaged. We'll have been together for three years this November, and the subject has pretty much never come up except in the most abstract of terms.
Maybe that's why I feel so discontent - we have never had a serious discussion about the prospect of marriage (mostly because Chris seems not to want to). Maybe if we talked about it, I wouldn't feel so anxious about it. I'm kind of scared though to bring it up....I'm afraid of what he'll say. Once I suggested marriage would be on the schedule in 3-4 years and he acted like that wasn't nearly a long enough time-frame.
I just don't know.....
