A Lesson in Confrontation

A significant part of my job involves dealing with a variety of clients with particular ideas of how they want their organization represented and the role me and my company play in that representation.

Today I dealt with one of our more particular clients - a member of the WCOG board of directors. He was upset with my handling of a potential new board member nomination, namely that I had contacted the nominee before he did (part of his specific board responsibilities). The action was a result of some misunderstanding and miscommunication amongst multiple board members and staff, but nonetheless I was the one to bare the brunt of this particular board member's dissatisfaction.

The phone call consisted largely of me trying to explain what had happened and why I took the action I did, and the board member accusing me of abusing my position, taking advantage of WCOG, misusing the organization's funds and creating an awkward and uncomfortable situation for himself (presumably because he would be making contact with the candidate after I did). His tone was accusatory and confrontational and he repeatedly tried to cast my actions in a malicious light, even though they were perfectly innocent and meant to ease the transition for the candidate and the board, not complicate it.

Anyway, the part of the whole situation I found the most frustrating was that he was right. He had a perfectly good point - according to the committee descriptions and board policy he was the one who should have contacted the candidate first...however, his entire point became lost in the confrontation. He started the conversation on the offensive, and despite my best efforts, I was immediately put in a defensive position. The phone call created more problems and necessitated further communication with the board and discussion of procedures - rather than solving the issue in a rational and calm manner, the confrontation only led to more confrontation and misunderstanding, and thus more of my admin time.

It made me realize the importance of controlling your emotions - even when you're angry or feel slighted. Approaching someone in such a confrontational manner, while maybe allowing you to vent and feel a little better immediately after, never produces the result you ultimately desire - resolution. While part of me wishes I had told him to take a hike, the other side of me sees that by doing so I would have fulfilled his description of me as a manipulative employee, when in reality I work extremely hard every day to make sure that my clients get the best value for their money, that I represent them in a professional manner and that I do my best to promote their message and organization.

This, I think, is the most important thing I've learned at my job - I mean, I think I "knew" it before, but now I know how to actively employ it. And that lesson is basically that sometimes, despite what you really feel or believe, you have to strive to find the middle ground, to have the foresight to see what is ultimately going to be best for you, your company and your client, not your ego or temper. It's a tough lesson, but a worthwhile one that the last year has made me quite familiar with.