So for the last couple years my goal has to been to become a teacher - to get my credentials, my masters and teach high school English. I like the idea of sharing my love of literature and writing with kids who probably could care less about Virginia Woolf and Jane Austen. I've always thought my passion for the subject would help me through that difficulty - would help me connect with some students who did care and just didn't know it yet.
That's why I applied to Teach for America my senior year. I got through to the final interview and then I got a rejection letter. I was disappointed. I had spent so much time preparing for the application and interview, and writing my senior thesis at the same time, that I didn't really prepare an adequate Plan B. It was too late to apply to most grad school programs and to be honest I was unmotivated to apply to the ones still accepting. I wanted to enjoy my last few months as a college student, not spend it fighting for approval from some anonymous review board.
So I finished my thesis and I graduated and then I just kind of did the first thing that made sense. I moved to Seattle because I knew a lot of people there, I could move in with my boyfriend and spend the summer exploring a new city, sailing and spending time with friends. I found a job one week after moving to Seattle and started it a week later. It's a great job, with a great employer and awesome coworkers. I work right on the sound, literally steps from the beach, in a laid back, small office. I get paid decently and have benefits. It's a lot then most people my age can say, especially in this economic climate. I think I've done pretty well for myself considering the circumstances.
However, I wasn't really and I'm still not satisfied. Granted some of this dissatisfaction stems from the fact that my boyfriend and I transitioned into a long-distance relationship when he took a job in Portland. But that's not the whole story. I took my job because I needed it, not because I wanted it. I love my employer and coworkers, but I feel like I'm stuck. The work isn't very challenging and there's not really room for any meaningful advancement at the moment. So I started making plans to move - I would move to Portland, find a job to live on and then go back to school to get my credentials and enter the career I have had my sites set on for the last few years - teaching.
Over the last week though as I've started planning for this career change and move, I've wondered if I'm making the right decision. Teachers are being laid off in droves - is it necessarily the best idea to take on the burden of student loans to become certified for a profession in which I may not be able to find viable employment? Maybe, like with Teach for America, it's not the right time. Maybe school isn't the answer right now. I've started to reevaluate what it means for me to be successful - does it mean getting an advanced degree before I'm 25? Does it mean beginning a life long career in my 20's? Is this really what I want to do for my entire life?
I'm not so sure right now. And that's what this blog post is ultimately about - not being sure. I've spend the last few years trying to attain a plan I'm not sure how to realize or if I even want to realize it. What I've come to see is that I like the idea of being a teacher, but I'm not so sure I'm ready to face the challenges that such a profession entails. I'm not ready to resign myself to one thing, because I don't think I know what that one thing really is it yet. That's why I've decided that when I move to Portland in September the job I'll be looking for won't be the first thing that comes across my path, it'll be something I want to do, something I enjoy doing, something that will help me grow and find that one thing that I do want to do for the rest of my life. Yes it's idealistic and probably naive to think that I'll just be able to pick whatever I want, but I think that is the only way that I'm really going to find work I enjoy and find meaningful, rather than work I just do for the paycheck. If I've learned anything over the last year it's that happiness isn't something that just happens to you, given and taken by fate's anonymous will, but it's something we create, it's something we build and mold with the choices we make and the people we love.
That's why I applied to Teach for America my senior year. I got through to the final interview and then I got a rejection letter. I was disappointed. I had spent so much time preparing for the application and interview, and writing my senior thesis at the same time, that I didn't really prepare an adequate Plan B. It was too late to apply to most grad school programs and to be honest I was unmotivated to apply to the ones still accepting. I wanted to enjoy my last few months as a college student, not spend it fighting for approval from some anonymous review board.
So I finished my thesis and I graduated and then I just kind of did the first thing that made sense. I moved to Seattle because I knew a lot of people there, I could move in with my boyfriend and spend the summer exploring a new city, sailing and spending time with friends. I found a job one week after moving to Seattle and started it a week later. It's a great job, with a great employer and awesome coworkers. I work right on the sound, literally steps from the beach, in a laid back, small office. I get paid decently and have benefits. It's a lot then most people my age can say, especially in this economic climate. I think I've done pretty well for myself considering the circumstances.
However, I wasn't really and I'm still not satisfied. Granted some of this dissatisfaction stems from the fact that my boyfriend and I transitioned into a long-distance relationship when he took a job in Portland. But that's not the whole story. I took my job because I needed it, not because I wanted it. I love my employer and coworkers, but I feel like I'm stuck. The work isn't very challenging and there's not really room for any meaningful advancement at the moment. So I started making plans to move - I would move to Portland, find a job to live on and then go back to school to get my credentials and enter the career I have had my sites set on for the last few years - teaching.
Over the last week though as I've started planning for this career change and move, I've wondered if I'm making the right decision. Teachers are being laid off in droves - is it necessarily the best idea to take on the burden of student loans to become certified for a profession in which I may not be able to find viable employment? Maybe, like with Teach for America, it's not the right time. Maybe school isn't the answer right now. I've started to reevaluate what it means for me to be successful - does it mean getting an advanced degree before I'm 25? Does it mean beginning a life long career in my 20's? Is this really what I want to do for my entire life?
I'm not so sure right now. And that's what this blog post is ultimately about - not being sure. I've spend the last few years trying to attain a plan I'm not sure how to realize or if I even want to realize it. What I've come to see is that I like the idea of being a teacher, but I'm not so sure I'm ready to face the challenges that such a profession entails. I'm not ready to resign myself to one thing, because I don't think I know what that one thing really is it yet. That's why I've decided that when I move to Portland in September the job I'll be looking for won't be the first thing that comes across my path, it'll be something I want to do, something I enjoy doing, something that will help me grow and find that one thing that I do want to do for the rest of my life. Yes it's idealistic and probably naive to think that I'll just be able to pick whatever I want, but I think that is the only way that I'm really going to find work I enjoy and find meaningful, rather than work I just do for the paycheck. If I've learned anything over the last year it's that happiness isn't something that just happens to you, given and taken by fate's anonymous will, but it's something we create, it's something we build and mold with the choices we make and the people we love.
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